Sometimes I think it's rather funny that though you want to go to a certain direction, actually you're moving to the opposite one.
I tried my best to fight back to end a sour relationship. Although we can still be friends, roommates or even families, it is not likely for us to go back to where we were. On top of this condition, there is nothing wrong meeting or seeing new guys out there.
It is also not uncommon that most of the time I get fond of those who don't have feelings for me or I don't have feelings for those who like me. Of course, I understand that it is not an easy task to find the right one, but recently, I felt quite depressed from continuous failure. I wonder that if I don't make contact with those "wrong" people, maybe everything will be simpler and my emotions can be steadier.
In the end, from all the information I've got from the past ten months, they seem to all indicate that going back is the easiest way to solve the problem. And then I don't need to worry about these complicated interpersonal issues. However, it means that I have to sacrifice what I want in my mind, in order to quickly get these things done. Honestly speaking, I also don't know if going back is a possible way.
At times I feel tired of all this and can't carry on. I just want to leave all behind, but I know this is not right. I just hope that I can have more strength to stick to my goal and keep moving toward. Need more blessings!
September 11, 2015
May 8, 2015
I'm Back Again
It has been quite a long while not writing a blog entry here. I was truly amazed after taking some time reading some old ones. Though there were some grammatical mistakes in them, I think I can never be that imaginative anymore. I miss the days when I was young and free.
During these five years of silence, I had a relationship with someone. We shared our life, lived together, became familiar with each other. In the end, we broke up in the end of October. However, we still live together for we had to deal with some money stuff concerning house renting.
In this relationship, I experienced the greatest joy I have ever had in my life. We had been to many places, tasted lot of different food, and watched lots of movies and concerts. We also petted a shiba inu. His name is Marco. Petting a shiba inu is my unfinished dream with my ex, and I was really glad that I could finish it with this one. Being with this one used to be a wonderful experience that I couldn't ask for more. I once said, "Being with you, I would not need to find another." I thought this was a lifetime love. It was pity that after all these years our relationship still cracked.
Of course there were several problems in our relationship. When your love to a person is fading, every single little tiny bit of error will be maximized. Things you used to be able to tolerate now become so irritating that you would rather shut down the pathway for communication with each other than discuss the problems together. What's worse, sometimes it was of no use communicating, for both of us wanted to dominate the situation and ignore the key messages from each other. Again, it seemed that we were both too proud to compromise. This was just like the entry I wrote in 2008. I started to wonder if every relationship would turn sour and never last.
Anyway, I think life will find its way out. If these five years become a precious lesson to learn, I should thank wholeheartedly for the person spending with me.
Though nowadays people microblog their thoughts, and less and less people want to read lengthy entries, I'm back for recording some of my life once again.
During these five years of silence, I had a relationship with someone. We shared our life, lived together, became familiar with each other. In the end, we broke up in the end of October. However, we still live together for we had to deal with some money stuff concerning house renting.
In this relationship, I experienced the greatest joy I have ever had in my life. We had been to many places, tasted lot of different food, and watched lots of movies and concerts. We also petted a shiba inu. His name is Marco. Petting a shiba inu is my unfinished dream with my ex, and I was really glad that I could finish it with this one. Being with this one used to be a wonderful experience that I couldn't ask for more. I once said, "Being with you, I would not need to find another." I thought this was a lifetime love. It was pity that after all these years our relationship still cracked.
Of course there were several problems in our relationship. When your love to a person is fading, every single little tiny bit of error will be maximized. Things you used to be able to tolerate now become so irritating that you would rather shut down the pathway for communication with each other than discuss the problems together. What's worse, sometimes it was of no use communicating, for both of us wanted to dominate the situation and ignore the key messages from each other. Again, it seemed that we were both too proud to compromise. This was just like the entry I wrote in 2008. I started to wonder if every relationship would turn sour and never last.
Anyway, I think life will find its way out. If these five years become a precious lesson to learn, I should thank wholeheartedly for the person spending with me.
Though nowadays people microblog their thoughts, and less and less people want to read lengthy entries, I'm back for recording some of my life once again.
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