Sometimes I think it's rather funny that though you want to go to a certain direction, actually you're moving to the opposite one.
I tried my best to fight back to end a sour relationship. Although we can still be friends, roommates or even families, it is not likely for us to go back to where we were. On top of this condition, there is nothing wrong meeting or seeing new guys out there.
It is also not uncommon that most of the time I get fond of those who don't have feelings for me or I don't have feelings for those who like me. Of course, I understand that it is not an easy task to find the right one, but recently, I felt quite depressed from continuous failure. I wonder that if I don't make contact with those "wrong" people, maybe everything will be simpler and my emotions can be steadier.
In the end, from all the information I've got from the past ten months, they seem to all indicate that going back is the easiest way to solve the problem. And then I don't need to worry about these complicated interpersonal issues. However, it means that I have to sacrifice what I want in my mind, in order to quickly get these things done. Honestly speaking, I also don't know if going back is a possible way.
At times I feel tired of all this and can't carry on. I just want to leave all behind, but I know this is not right. I just hope that I can have more strength to stick to my goal and keep moving toward. Need more blessings!
September 11, 2015
May 8, 2015
I'm Back Again
It has been quite a long while not writing a blog entry here. I was truly amazed after taking some time reading some old ones. Though there were some grammatical mistakes in them, I think I can never be that imaginative anymore. I miss the days when I was young and free.
During these five years of silence, I had a relationship with someone. We shared our life, lived together, became familiar with each other. In the end, we broke up in the end of October. However, we still live together for we had to deal with some money stuff concerning house renting.
In this relationship, I experienced the greatest joy I have ever had in my life. We had been to many places, tasted lot of different food, and watched lots of movies and concerts. We also petted a shiba inu. His name is Marco. Petting a shiba inu is my unfinished dream with my ex, and I was really glad that I could finish it with this one. Being with this one used to be a wonderful experience that I couldn't ask for more. I once said, "Being with you, I would not need to find another." I thought this was a lifetime love. It was pity that after all these years our relationship still cracked.
Of course there were several problems in our relationship. When your love to a person is fading, every single little tiny bit of error will be maximized. Things you used to be able to tolerate now become so irritating that you would rather shut down the pathway for communication with each other than discuss the problems together. What's worse, sometimes it was of no use communicating, for both of us wanted to dominate the situation and ignore the key messages from each other. Again, it seemed that we were both too proud to compromise. This was just like the entry I wrote in 2008. I started to wonder if every relationship would turn sour and never last.
Anyway, I think life will find its way out. If these five years become a precious lesson to learn, I should thank wholeheartedly for the person spending with me.
Though nowadays people microblog their thoughts, and less and less people want to read lengthy entries, I'm back for recording some of my life once again.
During these five years of silence, I had a relationship with someone. We shared our life, lived together, became familiar with each other. In the end, we broke up in the end of October. However, we still live together for we had to deal with some money stuff concerning house renting.
In this relationship, I experienced the greatest joy I have ever had in my life. We had been to many places, tasted lot of different food, and watched lots of movies and concerts. We also petted a shiba inu. His name is Marco. Petting a shiba inu is my unfinished dream with my ex, and I was really glad that I could finish it with this one. Being with this one used to be a wonderful experience that I couldn't ask for more. I once said, "Being with you, I would not need to find another." I thought this was a lifetime love. It was pity that after all these years our relationship still cracked.
Of course there were several problems in our relationship. When your love to a person is fading, every single little tiny bit of error will be maximized. Things you used to be able to tolerate now become so irritating that you would rather shut down the pathway for communication with each other than discuss the problems together. What's worse, sometimes it was of no use communicating, for both of us wanted to dominate the situation and ignore the key messages from each other. Again, it seemed that we were both too proud to compromise. This was just like the entry I wrote in 2008. I started to wonder if every relationship would turn sour and never last.
Anyway, I think life will find its way out. If these five years become a precious lesson to learn, I should thank wholeheartedly for the person spending with me.
Though nowadays people microblog their thoughts, and less and less people want to read lengthy entries, I'm back for recording some of my life once again.
March 7, 2010
Challenge
Getting a new tutoring job does provide a way to earn more money, especially when I have problems supporting my life at this stage. However, my new student is an already-good student who wants to become top. That might be a relatively big challenge for me, since I have never reached the "top-student" level in my life. Maybe psychologically I can't empathize her (or her mom's) ambitions.
Moreover, after teaching students at lower levels, I think my ways of teaching and of thinking about English teaching have become sort of fixed. Perhaps, this opportunity allows me to reflect on my inadequacy both in English teaching and English linguistic knowledge.
Maybe I can't survive, or maybe I can. Who knows? Anyway, since I've decided to take on this challenge, I will try my best to do it. Hopefully, I can gain some precious experiences in the process. If not, there will be nothing to lose. At least, I'll definitely get paid. Ha ha ha!
Moreover, after teaching students at lower levels, I think my ways of teaching and of thinking about English teaching have become sort of fixed. Perhaps, this opportunity allows me to reflect on my inadequacy both in English teaching and English linguistic knowledge.
Maybe I can't survive, or maybe I can. Who knows? Anyway, since I've decided to take on this challenge, I will try my best to do it. Hopefully, I can gain some precious experiences in the process. If not, there will be nothing to lose. At least, I'll definitely get paid. Ha ha ha!
March 4, 2010
Whining
I want to break through all the chains binding my free will. Lots of things to be worried about, but do I need to follow all the rules? I forget since when my sense of guilt has started to make me compromise and even feel comfortable with all these. I guess I need to have the guts to give it a try. Otherwise, the old habits are still with me. And there will be nothing more in my life can be expected.
Originally I don't want this conflict keeps disturbing my life. In the end, I still have to confess that what I want is not always what I've got. Maybe, that's just life. I shall complain no more. This unsatisfactory life could be other people's blessings if they were me. As a matter of fact, to which point can I feel really satisfied? I still don't have the answer for it.
I guess this is just a sort of reminder telling me I should do something instead of staying the same. Changes are not necessarily good. At least, they give me more choices.
Originally I don't want this conflict keeps disturbing my life. In the end, I still have to confess that what I want is not always what I've got. Maybe, that's just life. I shall complain no more. This unsatisfactory life could be other people's blessings if they were me. As a matter of fact, to which point can I feel really satisfied? I still don't have the answer for it.
I guess this is just a sort of reminder telling me I should do something instead of staying the same. Changes are not necessarily good. At least, they give me more choices.
December 16, 2008
This Fight
A simple fight, a deja vu, a similar complex emotion...
The story began when I hadn't received a single phone call for more than three days. I didn't know if I had a good reason to be mad about it, but I was. That breaking up resulted from no sincere communication. We were both proud, too proud to compromise, too proud to follow each other's wishes. Without a word, we broke up silently. Just a few simple clicks on the personal profile, we ended our relationship.
Today I witnessed a similar scene on my MSN. I started to wonder "Is that we take too many things for granted or we just stick up for our unbreakable principles?" I was told that I didn't know how to talk to lovers. Maybe. However, sometimes I just can't fake it. I can't tell you how great your figure is, while you still have a long way to go. I can't accept too much flexibility that I need to take a lot of time to confirm a date. Sure, sometimes, I just wonder if I still love the one I'm be with. I guess my foolish pride was activated once again.
Not giving up is an ideal concept. After all this, are you still determined to make it through just like before?
Who knows. Maybe this deja vu is a turning point to a better place or a tedious condiction.
The story began when I hadn't received a single phone call for more than three days. I didn't know if I had a good reason to be mad about it, but I was. That breaking up resulted from no sincere communication. We were both proud, too proud to compromise, too proud to follow each other's wishes. Without a word, we broke up silently. Just a few simple clicks on the personal profile, we ended our relationship.
Today I witnessed a similar scene on my MSN. I started to wonder "Is that we take too many things for granted or we just stick up for our unbreakable principles?" I was told that I didn't know how to talk to lovers. Maybe. However, sometimes I just can't fake it. I can't tell you how great your figure is, while you still have a long way to go. I can't accept too much flexibility that I need to take a lot of time to confirm a date. Sure, sometimes, I just wonder if I still love the one I'm be with. I guess my foolish pride was activated once again.
Not giving up is an ideal concept. After all this, are you still determined to make it through just like before?
Who knows. Maybe this deja vu is a turning point to a better place or a tedious condiction.
December 15, 2008
Things I've Been Worried About Recently
With my limited point of view, I experienced the world...
Hey dude, you don't need to react like that.
What makes you so horny? Your desire is aroused by the body image.
Things don't work out for me in this way.
Could you spare your time finding another?
No matter how hard I try, there will always be an obstacle in front of me.
The questions is "Do I try hard enough?"
No progression on my work. Laziness, I borrow thy name again.
Not until I can resist all types of temptation of life can I speed up.
No lover, no happiness. A lover, no free time.
Romance is a vulgar thief stealing my control.
So, I was blinded by crave, overwhelmed with corruption.
I don't know when a taste for being cared has become a forbidden fruit in my life.
My stream of conscienceness has no responsibilities for anybody.
This is my blog. I have my parole.
Sometimes I wonder if there is anybody reading what I'm writing on this blog.
I guess I am the only one I know. Ha...
Hey dude, you don't need to react like that.
What makes you so horny? Your desire is aroused by the body image.
Things don't work out for me in this way.
Could you spare your time finding another?
No matter how hard I try, there will always be an obstacle in front of me.
The questions is "Do I try hard enough?"
No progression on my work. Laziness, I borrow thy name again.
Not until I can resist all types of temptation of life can I speed up.
No lover, no happiness. A lover, no free time.
Romance is a vulgar thief stealing my control.
So, I was blinded by crave, overwhelmed with corruption.
I don't know when a taste for being cared has become a forbidden fruit in my life.
My stream of conscienceness has no responsibilities for anybody.
This is my blog. I have my parole.
Sometimes I wonder if there is anybody reading what I'm writing on this blog.
I guess I am the only one I know. Ha...
December 5, 2008
It's Not Easy At All
If you think that love is simple, you might need to think again. Through a series of examination and selection, the "temporary" final outcome revealed. However, no one can guarantees that feelings won't change and stay the same for good. You made your promise, and tried hard to keep your promise. Somehow, you just don't have enough energy to carry on. The more you get to know each other, the more you need to accept something out of your expectation. The more things you find that you can't accept, the more problems you need to face. The more problems occur, the more effort you need to make to communicate with each other to find optimal solutions. After these tiring processes, if the couple still don't break up, then that's what we called "Love conquers all." But sadly, the quick pace of living in this world and lots of other tempting selections waited out there makes this type of everlasting love gradually become a precious legend.
I doubt if I also lose the patience to overcome the obstacles in my relationship. Will something not right from the start be something so right in the end? Hints are more or less sent in the conversation. I hope that we have the wisdom to comprehend each other's messages, and try to put them into real-life practice. Otherwise, we are destined to be the passers-by in each other's life.
Is my value rotten? Or am I just too proud to appreciate the world from a different angle? Being too stubborn? Too many priniciples? Maybe it will be much easier if I stay single.
I doubt if I also lose the patience to overcome the obstacles in my relationship. Will something not right from the start be something so right in the end? Hints are more or less sent in the conversation. I hope that we have the wisdom to comprehend each other's messages, and try to put them into real-life practice. Otherwise, we are destined to be the passers-by in each other's life.
Is my value rotten? Or am I just too proud to appreciate the world from a different angle? Being too stubborn? Too many priniciples? Maybe it will be much easier if I stay single.
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